Phile 1:13     I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel.

Sacrificial love is at the heart of the Gospel. It is seen in the willingness of the Father to give His Son: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son.” (Jn 3:16). That's where sacrificial love starts, in the Father's heart. But it's also in the Son's heart. How easy we read Jesus' words, “the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” (Jn 6:33). In heaven the Son had always existed alongside the Father in his glorious splendour, but then he puts all that aside (Phil 2:7) and comes in lives in a human form. What an incredible sacrifice that must have been to leave all the incredible glory of heaven to come to the sin-drenched earth. But there yet to be an even greater sacrifice, pictured in the bread, “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you.” (Lk 22:19). Sacrifice starts in the heart of God.

But that sacrifice is also to be an example to us. Paul said, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph 5:25). The love of husbands for their wives is to be the same sacrificial love as Jesus had for his church when he gave himself for her. Yet even more than that, we are encourage to give our very lives back to God as sacrifices: “I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God.” (Rom 12:1)

History is full of stories of self-sacrifice of those who gave themselves to save another, or those who gave up great things to serve others. We only speak of sacrifice on rare occasions today. It is not a favourite subject, because it costs. In Paul's words in our verse today there seems almost a wistfulness. It is almost like he is saying, “Oh, I wish I could hang on to Onesimus, because he has come to mean so much to me.” He has already spoken of him as a son, and in the confining circumstances that Paul is experiencing, he really needs everyone to encourage and support him and Onesimus had clearly been that – but he's willing to let him go, but it will cost!

Obviously in the past, Paul has memories of how Philemon had helped Paul and there is an oblique reference to that here, so that he could take your place in helping me . Whether Paul is inferring that he would have liked Philemon to come to him, is unclear, but he certainly infers a closeness in bond in standing together in difficult circumstances for the sake of the Gospel. Perhaps it is more likely he is saying, it's almost like having you here helping me, having someone from your home. Perhaps Onesimus has talked with Paul about life back at Philemon's home, and perhaps that triggers memories in Paul of the time he has had in Colosse with Philemon. It's just another thing that reminds Philemon on the unity that he and Paul have.

The one thing that doesn't really come through in this letter is the reason Paul is sending Onesimus back to Philemon. We have alluded to it before, but perhaps it should be considered more fully at this point – because there is a reason that Paul is willing to sacrifice the presence of this young man who has been helping him and who has been such a comfort to him! If it's such a cost to him, there has to be a strong reason. We suggest the following. Righteousness is all about doing what is right before God. Now that may be following the Law – the instructions we find in the Bible that are applicable to Christians, or it may be following the prompting of the Spirit. One thing the Old Testament Law was strong on, was on putting wrongs right. Whatever we think of slavery today, in those days it was a cultural custom for Hebrew and Greek and Roman alike. It was understood that a slave, like and employee today, has a duty towards their master. That duty remained until their master released them from it – which wasn't uncommon. Onesimus had broken away from that relationship and some suggest the wording of the letter infers that he has stolen something in parting. Whatever was the truth, both Paul and Onesimus agreed it was right for him to return to Philemon. For Paul, straightening out something for his old friend was an act of kindness.

It is possible from Paul's wording generally in this letter that he also sees the possibility of creating a new relationship between Philemon and Onesimus that would change the concept of slavery in the eyes of others who might see what was happening, and who would see the life-changing possibilities of Christianity. It is possible that Onesimus returning like this might turn out to be an incredible act of witness that could have long-term effects.

It is these sorts of things that must be behind Paul's thinking as he talks about the sacrifice he is making in letting Onesimus go back to Philemon. It is at a cost to Paul, but the potential effect is well worth it. Whenever we heed the prompting of the Holy Spirit, whether it is through the Scriptures or just throguh circumstances, we can always rest assured that He has an outcome in mind that will make whatever sacrifice we made well worth while. God always uses sacrifices; that's why there are so many references to sacrifices in the Bible, with their varied meanings. If God calls you to sacrifice, He's got a good end in mind!

Phile 1:14     But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do will be spontaneous and not forced.

When I was a young Christian it was a time when Evangelicalism ran on “you ought” or rather as it mostly was, “You ought not”. It was very much a rules-centred Christianity for us back in the last third of last century; it was the way of Law. When you have lots of laws to follow, it seems life is so much clearer, you know what you're going for, it seemed. The only trouble was that some laws we failed and so felt guilty, and others we managed to keep but life seemed so restricted – so we felt inwardly resentful. And then gradually God led us into grace. We still don't do most of those past forbidden things because, well, who wants to anyway, but we're not focused on them either, in fact we rarely think of them, because now we're flowing in grace. Life was forced in those days; now it is spontaneous. Ah, do you see the link?

Our verse today is all about grace. I don't know if you see it, but I sense this is another of those verses from Paul that is filled with gentleness. There is gentleness in his approach - I did not want to do anything without your consent. This is Paul coming to Philemon and respecting and honouring him – those two things are always there in grace. When God brings His grace to us He doesn't force us or push us or cajole us. He comes offering it – would you like what I have? He respects us; He honours us with His gentle offer. When we have been convicted of our sin and our need, it doesn't need great demands – you will take what I have for you! No, He comes with a gentle offer of His salvation. In our convicted, shot-up state we don't need that; we'll take the gentle offer.

But then He does it again and again through the Christian life. We come to times when we feel like giving up, we feel failures, and we feel inadequate. At those times we don't hear a thunderous demand from heaven, “Take this! No, we hear the gentle voice of God speaking words of approval, words of affirmation, words of encouragement, words of empowering, and words of direction – so many gentle words of grace.

Have you noticed the effects of these two approaches? The approach of Law has the preacher demanding, “This is how you should live!” So you struggle to conform to the Law. It is artificial and forced and difficult and you give up trying. Then God speaks through someone prophetically to you, words of affirmation and encouragement. You are so thrilled and blessed and filled with love that you go out on a cloud, and life is so easy. You don't think about it but spontaneously you find yourself living the life of faith and blessing and you're not getting into scrapes, but instead you're blessing people as you express Jesus to them, his love flowing through you – spontaneously!

That's the difference between law and grace. One is forced, the other is spontaneous. Probably one of the best examples of this in the Gospels is in the story of Zacchaeus. This little tax collector was intrigued with Jesus, so climbs a tree to get a view of him as he passes by – but he doesn't pass by, he stops under the tree and invites himself to lunch with Zacchaeus. Note what didn't happen. Jesus didn't rebuke him and chide him for his immoral and illegal practices of charging too much tax, although that was probably the case. He doesn't tell him to go and sort his life out and then come and see him again. No, he simply accepts him as he is, without any demands. Now see the result! There is a spontaneous response in Zacchaeus that indicates that he wants to put things right, he wants to straighten out his life. Luke gives us no indication that Jesus had told him to do this. The truth is that deep down we each know what he ought to do. We don't need telling it; that just makes us feel worse about ourselves. No, we need unconditional acceptance and that is what Jesus has lots of.

He can afford to because he has paid the price for us, it's all been done. All it needs is our receiving it, and he knows we'll receive it spontaneously when he offers it gently. So he looks into our eyes, and he knows our hearts, and he loves us – just like we are. That is what grace is about – gentle acceptance, gentle offering, gentle respecting and honouring. For some of us that is too much. We've grown up with harsh army type discipline in our Christian lives, in a church that demands holiness and conformity and the talk of grace seems very difficult after all out effort – but this is what grace is all about, it's about faith, not effort; that why there is no room for boasting (Rom 3:27). There is no room in grace for the person who takes pride in their self control or effort. Grace is what transforms weak people and enables them to be gloriously transformed.

That's how Paul is approaching Philemon. He could demand things of him – that would be Law – but he doesn't; he honours and respects him and gently requests of him, so that he will be moved by love to respond. Grace is all about being filled with love for God as we receive His goodness towards us, and it is that love that enables us to spontaneously change. Wonderful isn't it!

Phile 1:15    Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good

I happened to be reading the writings of a notorious atheist the other day where he was saying why there are lots of things to be thankful for in this world, and he started talking about how we are all affected by myriads of tiny actions of people we know nothing about, that all work together to bring about the present. In that he was right, but of course what he couldn't take into account is that God acts into this world, so it isn't merely the myriad interactions of people and circumstances, it is that plus God! This is what theologians call providence. The truth is we aren't too sure how extensive this intervention of God is. There are clues, e.g. Hebrews speaks of Jesus, “ sustaining all things by his powerful word,” (Heb 1:3) implying a constant maintaining of what is.

There is also the, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good” (Gen 50:20) and “in all things God works for the good of those who love him,” (Rom 8:28) verses showing God planning and working into history. When it came to Jesus, Peter was able to say, “This man was handed over to you by God's set purpose and foreknowledge.” (Acts 2:23). Among the pronouncements of the Old Testament prophets, of course, there are plenty of references to God's activity on the earth. Oh yes, this is a very much more complicated scenario than even our atheist can envisage; this is the Sovereign Lord weaving His purposes into the lives and activities of mankind so as to exercise His sovereign will while not abusing their free will. A complex business!

Paul is very much aware of this. He knows what it is to be guided by the Holy Spirit (e.g. Acts 16:6,7) and he knows the working of God in him and around him. He is under no illusions, he knows God does stuff! Now before we move on, can we pause up and do a check on this because although it should be very fundamental in our beliefs, it often isn't. Are you certain and sure that God does stuff, that He works into this world of His, including your life and what goes on around it? Is the God you know alive and active? Does He interact with the affairs of nations and men? If He doesn't, He's not the God of the Bible and it's time to change Gods! Paul knows it and so should we.

However, the thing is that we're not always sure that it is God moving. He's not always obvious, in fact most of the time He isn't! Most of the time we are completely oblivious to the Lord's activity going on around us. Hence Paul's start to this verse today, perhaps . He's not sure, so it's only speculation, but it is the sort of thing the Lord does! Whether the Lord was involved in nudging Onesimus to escape, he doesn't know. Perhaps the Lord knew that Onesimus had to get away and find himself in desperate circumstances before he would encounter and be open to Christians again. Perhaps the Lord was there, guiding his footsteps, making quiet comments in his mind to bring him to the place where he ran across Paul and was open to what he had to say? Perhaps the Lord knew all this had to happen to bring about the end result, which involves Onesimus going back to Philemon as a transformed man. Perhaps a lot of things! We don't know for sure, but it is the sort of thing the Lord does. Providence is one of those things you can't see until it has happened.

An Old Testament classic example of this was in respect of Abraham's servant being sent to look for a wife for Isaac (Gen 24). He goes with specific instructions and when he arrives in the land of Abraham 's relatives he comes to a well where he pauses and prays. It ‘just so happens' that Rebekah, daughter of the relatives, comes at that moment and the link is made that results in Rebekah returning with him to become Isaac's wife. Everything about the story speaks of ‘coincidences' that bring about the end result. I know I have looked back on my life and seen a specific chain of events that brought me to where I am today. People of faith speak of this as providence, the unseen hand of God moving to bring about specific things within His overall plan. As we said before, at the time it is usual not to be able to see His hand moving and it is only as you look back that you start to see the thread that was there.

People of faith live with this awareness and are at peace that sometimes they will sense the specific direction of the Lord while at other times His invisible hand guides them without their awareness of it until later. The whole tenor of the Bible indicates an all-wise and all-powerful God who is working to a specific agenda for the good of mankind, a God who is active in His world. It is only the proud and arrogant who demand to see that hand clearly before they will believe. They miss out! For Paul, as he approaches Philemon, he makes a tentative suggestion that perhaps God was at work here, working to bring about something which, in the end, will be very good – but it does require Philemon's co-operation. It is possible for us the thwart the plan of God for us by our folly, in which case God will simply turn it to some other good, but we can lose out by our unbelief or even our outright rejection of God's purposes. Now that is scary!

Phile 1:16    no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord.

Have you ever noticed how people label people? We hear about that ‘moaner down the road', or ‘that grumpy old person', or ‘big Mabel', or ‘little Jack', or whatever, and mostly they tend to be derogatory names. People are good at emphasising differences or inadequacies or weaknesses. It seems it is a characteristic of fallen human nature – and it's sad! Perhaps sometimes it part of our defensive nature, because we feel negative about ourselves, and so we look for negatives in other people. It seems that when we look in the Gospels Jesus must have been able to see the good in people, their potential, when he chose his twelve disciples, because they seemed an unlikely bunch to transform the world with the message of the Gospel. Yet he chose them and taught them and took them with him wherever he went for three years and trusted the future to them. One of them betrayed him and committed suicide but of the remaining eleven, tradition tells us that ten of them gave their lives for the Gospel. That's what you get when you value people.

I listened to somebody answer their phone the other day to another church member and was thrilled at the loving way this person responded to the person on the other end of the line. I think that other person would have put the phone down feeling really valued. I know I would have done if it had been me. I don't think it was show; I think it was just how that person is.

Paul has come to really value Onesimus and he wants Philemon to come to that same place somehow. Previously Onesimus has been just a slave, possibly one of a number working for Philemon. The relationship has been slave and Master, with a tremendous gulf between. The slave was several social levels down, streets away from Philemon who, we get the impression, was well off and knew ‘people'. The slave would have felt totally out of place sitting and dining with the master, conversing about issues of the world. That wasn't what slaves did; they were just there to serve. But now he's not just a slave, he's a Christian brother, and as far as the kingdom of God is concerned, every Christian is his brother or sister and he is brother to every Christian. In that sense becoming a Christian has a tremendous social-levelling effect. Suddenly people are not what they are because of the role they perform in life; they are children of God, brothers and sisters in Christ.

We don't tend to call one another ‘brother' or ‘sister' so much these days. It has a rather old fashioned, unreal feel to it. We stopped doing it when we realised that instead of bridging a gulf as we've just been considering, it actually created one. Instead of being real and calling each other by our Christian names, which is far more intimate, we had fallen into the trap of artificial formality: “Good morning, brother, how are you?” How much better is, “Hi Chris how are you doing?” As Christians we know that we are each valuable to God. Jesus died for each one of us; that is how precious we are to Him. He was willing to send Jesus to die for each one of us, to deal with the sin of each one of us. Suddenly the position of mayor, school teacher, street cleaner, politician, carpet layer, or whatever else, is irrelevant. Each one is now just a brother or sister.

When you recognise that each one had to come the same way and acknowledge and confess that they are a sinner – and they had sin to confess! – suddenly that takes away all the grandeur of some positions. This person may hold this position, but the older I get the more I realise that not everyone holding a great position is a great person. Having taught incompetent students and watched them climb the professional ladder to greatness, you realise that greatness of position often has little to do with intellect or wisdom. Having prophetic insight helps even more to realise that each and every person has feet of clay and some, who hold positions esteemed by others, have more clay than many others! And then you come across those who are very low down in the social scale and realise that here, often, are some of the gems of society. The kingdom of God is good for revealing what is real.

Each person is different but in God's kingdom each person is valued highly. OK, says Paul, of Onesimus, he's very dear to me but even dearer to you – even if you don't realise it yet. Then note what he adds: both as a man and as a brother in the Lord. As a man he is quite different to the one you knew when he was with you. On purely practical terms he is going to be so much more valuable to you because he is now reliable and trustworthy and will prove to be a good worker. He is transformed as a man, because he has been transformed by God. You will find him a joy to have as a worker, of immense worth, of great value! But more than that, you will enjoy him as a brother in the Lord. You will find immense value in him as a Christian brother; it's going to be an entirely different experience for you.

So what about us? Do we value people or do we let their world positions decree what we will think and feel about them? And if they are Christians, do we see them as brothers and sisters in Christ and sense that unity between us? They may not be perfect and we may not be perfect, but can we sense something of the goodness of knowing that we are part of the same redeemed family, the family of redeemed sinners, with the same Lord and master who values each one equally? May it be so!

Phile 1:17,18    So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me.

I did wonder whether the title here should be ‘The Responsibilities of Relationships' but relationships as such don't have ‘responsibilities', only ones specifically structured, such as a marriage partnership or a working partnership. Perhaps we don't often tend to think about the responsibilities of a marriage partnership, only the business partnership where each partner is responsible for the acts of the others. There is in a business partnership a mutual accountability. If one partners runs into debt, the other partners are responsible to cover it. In marriage there is similar legal accountability, but part of that relationship implies certain things, the main being that each partner will be faithful to the other and will not enter into anything similar with another. That we would call adultery. There is a required mutual faithfulness. The Lord, knowing our tendency to self-concern gave instructions through the apostle Paul that “Husbands go all out in your love for your wives,” (Eph 5:25 Message version) to counter the man's tendency towards independence, and, “Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ,” (Eph 5:22 Message version) to counter the tendency to become emotionally protective and demanding. They are, if you like, responsibilities before the Lord, how to sustain and support the two sides of the relationship. Marriage is a working relationship of mutual support, protection and encouragement, designed to create a secure environment in which children can be brought up.

So relationships only carry responsibilities when there is a working dimension to them, when they are formed for a specific purpose. Now Paul reminds Philemon of this, “So if you consider me a partner.” That of course had actually been the case. Paul and Philemon had together worked for the Gospel, together they had worked to establish and build the church. Paul referred to the church at Corinth as ‘God's fellow workers' (2 Cor 6:1). There is a relationship within the church whereby we are all fellow workers with God. We are all called into service, we are all accountable to Him. When we came to Christ we found that “we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Eph 2:10). At the very minimum we are called to be witnesses (Acts 1:8), a natural expression of God's Spirit working through us. But more than that we are each gifted in different ways for service: “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us.” (Rom 12:6). Thus we have different abilities and different yearnings as God has put things on our hearts (Psa 37:4). In this way the Lord has drawn us into a working relationship with Him. We are not called to just sit in the world and wait out our time before going to heaven. No, there is a purpose implied in the Eph 2:10 verse whereby God drafts us into His plans and purposes and we become co-workers with Him to achieve those plans and purposes.

From time to time He will call us to work alongside others, as part of a team. In fact more and more he calls us away from individuality into team. As you read Paul's epistles, especially the closing verses, note the numbers of people he mentions with whom he works. He's very much a team player. He understands that we have each been given different gifts but they are designed to work and harmonise together. Thus in the days gone by, Paul and Philemon had worked shoulder to shoulder and a working relationship had grown between them. That working relationship meant a mutual deepening of concern and so now Paul knew that Philemon would be concerned for him in prison. But he uses that concern and that sense of partnership to bolster up the request he is making of Philemon. This is very significant, because it would seem that Paul knows that Philemon might have a sense of grievance over Onesimus. If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. Did Onesimus take things belonging to Philemon when he left – apart from himself! Hey, we're partners, implies Paul, we're accountable to one another, so as Onesimus has become so close to me, charge anything to me! Yes, implies Paul, I don't want you to go on feeling aggrieved over him, I want you to hand over any liability that he's incurred to me. I recognize my responsibility as your working partner and if I'm asking you to do anything difficult, I'll carry the cost, after all, that's what partnerships are all about, aren't they.

How do you feel about those you are related to in a more than casual relationship? It may be in church leadership, it may be in the church generally, serving alongside one another, it may be in your marriage, or it may be in business. Are you aware of your responsibility to support your partner(s), to be there for them, supporting and encouraging? A partnership is not an inert or static thing. It is a thing of action. Do you positively work to bless and build your partner in your marriage? Do you stand alongside those with whom you serve in church and carry your share of the load? Are you there when it is expected? Are you fulfilling your gifting? These are all pertinent questions when we start thinking about those more than casual relationships we call partnerships. Be blessed in them!

Phile 1:19    I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand. I will pay it back--not to mention that you owe me your very self.

The subject of calling in debts is not an unfamiliar one to those who read novels, and historical dramas in particular. Someone does something for someone else and the thought is, “You owe me one!” At some later date when a favour is required, that person calls in their debt, asking for their old favour to be reciprocated. This sort of thing, it should be noted, is for actions and not debts of money. It is specifically when favours have been conveyed and there is a natural expectation of a balancing of the favour to be given. Perhaps it is a form of justice, this expectation of balancing of favours. If I do something for you, then I expect you do to something for me, is what is the way of the world.

Now of course as Christians we're called not to get into this sort of legalistic thinking, but to simply give without the thought of getting return. The danger of the ‘favour for favour' mentality is that it can breed resentment if there is no reciprocation, or at the very least there is a sort of keeping score. It's the sort of thing that goes on in pubs: “This round is my one, you bought the last one,” or perhaps simply going out together regularly, “I'll pay for the lunch today, you paid for the one last week.” There is this natural balancing or accounting that goes on. It is indeed an attempt at fairness so that one person will not keep on taking advantage of the other, but it can get very legalistic.

With these thoughts in mind it may seem surprising to see Paul entering into this sort of thing. First of all, in today's verse, he continues to reassure Philemon that he will cover any losses that Philemon has incurred because of Onesimus: I will pay it back . He wants to add to the sense of how serious he is about this, by writing this bit at least himself, almost as a promissory note to Philemon: I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand. If you still have any sense of loss because of him, is what he is implying, I'll cover it; I guarantee it! The reality is that this shouldn't be necessary, but sometimes when we find ourselves abused, we find a sense of grievance nagging away in the background, and so Paul doesn't want any such thing to be nagging away at Philemon; he wants to do whatever he can to undermine it.

But then he calls in a debt! Not to mention that you owe me your very self. Oh that's a bit sneaky! He reminds Philemon that he is what he is today because of Paul. That was Paul's ‘favour', that was the outstanding debt. Paul had obviously been the means of leading Philemon to Christ. There can be no greater ‘favour' than being led to the place of receiving eternal life and life transformation here and now. If someone has been instrumental in leading us to Christ, we should be eternally grateful to them. Of course our primary gratefulness is to Christ himself for having died for us, yet there is a gratefulness to God and to the instruments He uses – friends, family or whoever. Do you have a grateful memory of the person who led you to Christ? I certainly do and I am grateful. Life has never been the same, and I am so grateful that they took the time and effort to persevere with me until I came through. Very simple things, very obvious things, but also important things!

Philemon, I did this favour for you and you have had your life changed by it. Now I'm asking a favour of you in return. That's what is happening here. Paul is using every means possible to encourage Philemon to agree to Paul's wishes and take Onesimus back as a Christian brother. In all these ways he is trying to help Philemon to completely change his mind set about Onesimus. Previously he had just thought of him as a slave, a troublesome one at that, who had robbed him. Now Paul is trying to get Philemon to think of Onesimus as Paul's son and his Christian brother. It is quite a task to overcome his past thoughts about this runaway, which is why Paul is using all of these tactics to try and help Philemon to come to this change of thinking.

Do we find ourselves getting locked into a way of thinking which God wants to change? Does He want us to think differently about someone? Is He trying to get us to lay down our past history with someone and have our thinking transformed? Many of us will have difficulties with the past, with people who have hurt us or harmed us. Perhaps more than anything else, it is people from the past who have the means for hindering our present walk with God. Memories of what they did to us, how they abused us, were not there for us, or simply stabbed us in the back and let us down badly. Those are the sorts of things that linger on unless we let the Holy Spirit minister to us and bring healing. Perhaps one of the ways of releasing us from the pains from such past conflicts is to help us see the difficulties that person was going through themselves. Not an excuse for what they said or did, but an explanation. The other way the Lord releases us is to show us that they have changed and that the present person is not the same as the person who harmed you all those years ago. Life transformation is what the Lord is about in our lives, and sometimes we need every bit of help we can get, just like Paul is trying to give Philemon.

Phile 1:21 Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I ask.

There are many people who have a very low self esteem. They have been brought up with negative comments. Their parents or teachers thought little of them and expected less of them. Our first son followed his older sister into Junior school. Whereas she had been compliant and responsive to the teacher, when he arrived the teacher's expectations of another bright child were dashed when he conveyed that he was more interested in other children than settling down to work as required. The teacher wrote him off and after a short time he started giving up on life. It was only the arrival of a new teacher, just before we were about to remove our son to another school, who saved this intelligent little boy. Her low expectations of him told him he was useless, and so that's how he acted. The new teacher who came in, came refusing to hear about any of the children in the class, saw something in our son and immediately gave him class responsibilities. He blossomed. It needed that second teacher conveying to our son his high expectations for him, to lift him out of the low state he had got into. What we expect of one another is what, so often, we get. Paul is a master psychologist!

Paul knows all this and as he gets near the end of this letter he conveys his positive, high expectations of Philemon. Confident of your obedience, I write to you. The subtle implication is that if I hadn't thought you would come through for me, I wouldn't have written. As it is I'm totally confident of what I know about my old friend to know that he will come through for me in this situation. If that isn't positive, I don't know what is! But he doesn't leave it there: knowing that you will do even more than I ask. This says, I know my old friend and I know he won't just stop at what I'm asking for. He's a man of grace who will go much further than this. This is going to have a really good end! This says, I feel good about Philemon, I trust my old friend; I know that when I write to him, he will respond really positively. He will be a blessing to me and to Onesimus. If this doesn't leave Philemon feeling good, I don't know what will. I can imagine him reading this reading and grinning to himself thinking, “Yes, yes, OK Paul, you've made your point, of course I will do it. How couldn't I?” High expectations produce a positive response.

I remember a number of years ago encouraging my younger son in his high jumping. He had reached a bar height that he thought was about it. I scoffed at it gently and suggested a much higher height that he would eventually reach. He did. Not because I was sitting there pushing him on – because I didn't – but because someone expressed a higher expectation of him, and he reached out for it. Wasn't that just what Jesus did? Isn't that what he was doing when he said to the disciples, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” (Acts 1:8) Yes we normally take this as just prophecy speaking about what would happen. “Just prophecy”? Isn't that what personal prophecy is all about? It's about God coming and expressing to us His hopes for us.

Most personal prophecy is conditional upon us responding to it and doing something, but it is certainly the Father's high expectations that are being expressed. Did the disciples have to be witnesses? No, they had the free will to reject the moving of the Holy Spirit, but the Lord was giving them high goals to think about. Today we might say, “Guys, you can go to the ends of the earth with my Spirit's enabling!” It's a whole thing about potential. Jesus knew Peter's potential when he reassigned him in John 21. All Peter was aware of was failure – just like my son with his first teacher. But Jesus knows what could be, he knows what Peter could do with the Holy Spirit if only he will leave his failures in the past. The result? Peter is known today as one of the two big apostles used by God to establish the church. A whole part of the worldwide church sees him as their first leader, and this a man who had blown it as badly as you can.

So, to bring this down to our personal lives, how do we relate to those around us? Do we see their potential to get it wrong, or their potential to get it right? What do we expect of them? Do we expect little or much? Think about what happens in business so often. A post for a manager comes up and they interview a bunch of candidates from within the firm. All the onlookers know these people, know what job they have been doing and know their past. They know where they have come from, they know their humble beginnings, and the unwise think, “They could never do that job!” Then somebody gets appointed and the same thoughts continue in the unwise, but a year later that person is a different person, they have risen to the responsibilities of that higher post, they have risen to the challenges of it, they have grown. Isn't that what happens so often in life. New challenges mean we have to grow. So, check it out, how do you view the people around you? Pigmies or potential giants?

Phile 1:22    And one thing more: Prepare a guest room for me, because I hope to be restored to you in answer to your prayers.

Being able to have people to stay is not possible for all of us, simply because we don't have the room. For some of us having people to stay is perhaps something we just don't do, or haven't done. Dramas written about the earlier part of last century were often based on a ‘house party' in some large home of the aristocracy, but that is not what most of us can do or have experienced. Having people to stay, costs! Not just the extra food but the time taken given over to them and the space you make for them. If you want to be hospitable, it means being thoughtful and caring and making provision for them in a variety of ways. Americans seem particularly good at this. Friends in the States we sometimes stay with, don't only do the usual things like putting towels out for personal use, but put a basket of fruit and biscuits on the side in the bedroom for our use. It's just a little sign of thoughtfulness and caring for our needs. Hospitality, having an open home, if that is a possibility, can be a real blessing. It can bless you in having different people around and having the opportunity to enjoy them and learn about a bigger world, and it can bless them by providing care and attention which can be really heart warming and refreshing.

I once stayed with a couple in Devon , in the depth of the country, and the pace of life was so slow that their home acted like a monastic sanctuary and I came away utterly at peace and utterly refreshed. Their caring was really life changing! Living in someone else's home and under their care can have that wonderful potential. We have stayed with a family with three times as many children as we have (and we have three!), and that was a wonderful opportunity to see how different families work. I have had the privilege of staying abroad in a variety of places, from a small but very affluent apartment in Hong Kong , to a palatial mansion in Indonesia, to Gladys Aylward's house in Taiwan, to Long Houses in Sarawak. Staying in other people's homes means you see a different world. Hospitality can thus be mind-enlarging.

Hospitality means someone opening up their life to you. When you invite yourself on someone, that is an indication of closeness of relationship! That is what we find in our verse today, Paul speaking about coming to stay with Philemon. At the present he is under house arrest but he is expecting the Lord to move in answer to the many prayers that have been offered up on his behalf, and so he expects his freedom to come soon. One of the first things he wants to do is return to Colosse and come and stay with Philemon. That is the sort of relationship that Paul has with Philemon. There is an openness whereby Paul feels free to invite himself to stay. That is a good sign of a close relationship. In today's age when so many of us seem so busy, it is perhaps sad that most of us don't feel free to do this because we know we'll be putting additional pressure on our friends. Yet it is a sign of real friendship to be able to say, “Can I/we come and stay?”

However, as we think about this, there is yet a further side to this. By saying this Paul is subtly putting more pressure upon Philemon to go along with his request in respect of Onesimus. How would Philemon feel about Paul coming if he hadn't responded well to Onesimus's return? When Paul comes, Philemon knows that he will have to have received back this young man in the way Paul had wanted, because he is going to be answerable, face to face, to Paul. It's not quite a threat but it is certainly a pressure.

Using a home can be a very good way of touching other people's lives. Is that why Jesus did it with Zacchaeus? We mentioned him a few days ago. Jesus invited himself to have a meal with Zacchaeus. That not only told Zacchaeus that Jesus accepted him, which was the most important thing he needed to hear, but it meant that Jesus came right into the inner sanctum of his home where probably only a few people normally came. When you go into someone else's home and stay there for more than a few hours, you see what goes on in this family. It is a revealing experience. People can put on a show over a meal table but even there the reality of life in that home is revealed. When Jesus came into Zacchaeus's home he would have seen the real Zacchaeus. Was that one of the things that provoked Zacchaeus into his life change? Having Jesus there on the inside meant that nothing could be hidden. Jesus sees and knows all. So, how about your home? Jesus is there, isn't he? Remember he sees and knows all. How do you feel about that? Having Jesus in your home is a really good motivating force for change.

You may not be able to have people to stay, but how about having people in for tea, coffee or a meal? With our homes we have the potential for blessing our family and friends. If you are older and the children are grown up, married and with children, is your home open to them? Is it a blessing for them to come with their children, or is your home so spic and span and precise that life is fraught when the kids come? How sad if it is so, because surely people come before furniture? Surely relationships come before décor? Houses used to have a sitting room which was virtually never used and when it was it was like going into a museum. I think mostly we have moved away from that sort of living – but perhaps there is an echo of that in your home? Is your home not only a blessing to you, a gift from God, but also a blessing to others, a gift to them as well? That is the potential that we have. Why not use it for such.

Phile 1:23,24   Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends you greetings. And so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my fellow workers.

We come to something, as we near the end of this letter, which we have commented upon briefly before – that Paul is a people-person, a team player. In communicating this to Philemon there is an inference that Philemon will know these men; he's been part of this team, he knows them. Epaphras is mentioned by Paul in his general letter to Colosse: “Epaphras, who is one of you and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends greetings. He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured. I vouch for him that he is working hard for you and for those at Laodicea and Hierapolis.” ( Col 4:12,13). He is a native of Colosse, a prayer warrior and a servant of God – and he's in prison with Paul! He too is suffering for his faith. Mark is also mentioned in the letter to the Colossians: “Mark, the cousin of Barnabas” (Col 4:10), as are Luke & Demas: “Our dear friend Luke, the doctor, and Demas” (Col 4:14). Luke is obviously the Gospel writer and the writer of Acts. Demas was a Christian worker who, sadly, abandoned Paul: “Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica.” (2 Tim 4:10). However for the moment, he is still there as part of the team.

It is a sad thing that in so much of the church we see one man ministries, men who lead churches on their own. It is very far from the apostolic example and a lonely role. Paul clearly had these men around him and they were a comfort to him. No doubt they shared together and prayed together. It's a great thing when you have those alongside you with the same heart, committed to the work of the Lord, servants who give themselves to God, to the work, and to you. When we are alone in the ministry we become vulnerable to the doubts that the enemy seeks to sow in our minds. If we alone we are more vulnerable to the temptations that Satan lays before us.

If we are alone we are limited to our own counsel, whereas Scripture say, “many advisers make victory sure” (Prov 11:14) and “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” (15:22) and “for waging war you need guidance, and for victory many advisers.” (Prov 24:6) It's the same message that keeps coming over from the wisest man the earth has known. So why do we do it? Perhaps it is because sharing your life with others makes you feel vulnerable? Perhaps we've simply never seen the value of other people alongside us? Perhaps we believe they can't see as we see in our position of leadership – and of course this applies to all forms of leadership.

Of course one of the things about a true leader is that they go ahead of the rest and are difficult to keep up with, but Paul seemed to be such a person and yet he clearly worked with a number of others. Perhaps it is being able to see yourself as you really are – limited and vulnerable, and needing others. Perhaps one of the dangers of one man leadership is that you think only you are right and no one else lives up to the standards you espouse. Perhaps it is that you like being top of the pile with people looking up to you – yet that doesn't stop you being vulnerable. The world and the church is full of leaders who have fallen, leaders who thought they were impregnable and forgot the apostolic injunction: “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!” (1 Cor 10:12). If we are leaders we need others around us for protection and for provision. We need them there to guard our backs. We need them there to provide counsel that balances ours or fills in where ours is limited.

Perhaps another aspect of this is the role of leaders in the church. As Paul put it, the work of ministries is to, “prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” (Eph 4:12,13). In other words it is to be building others up to become doers. We aren't, as leaders called to do it all, but to encourage others to be doers, using the gifts that God has given them, again as Paul said, “think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us.” (Rom 12:3-6). When we truly take in the truth of this teaching, we will realize that we are none of us called to stand alone, because we only have limited gifts and other people have gifts to complement ours.

A good leader harmonises the differing gifts of those around him, allowing each one to express their gifting while blending in themselves with the other people and other giftings that the local body of Christ has. We don't try and do it all, because God hasn't designed us like that. Instead we see how we ‘fit' in the body and, with His grace, catch a vision for the people around us, as He reveals to us their gifts, which we then simply encourage. What joy there is when you see the body functioning as it should do and it “grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” (Eph 4:16). Paul understood this and lived this out; can we?

Phile 1:25     The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit

In the early meditations we considered grace and now we finish with grace. In fact, everything about this letter is really about grace. Most of Paul's letters conclude with this desire for God's grace for his recipients. Before we even get into thinking about this grace again, consider Paul's last words: “be with your spirit” . The spirit is the innermost part of a person and so Paul wants this grace that he speaks about not to be some surface, superficial thing that touches us outwardly, but he wants it to impact us at the very deepest innermost level possible. He wants everything about us to be touched by this.

Grace we have said is God's ability in us to enable us to both cope with the circumstances that face us, and to triumph over them. Grace is God's enabling, it is His presence in us; it is His Holy Spirit working in us to enable us to do what has to be done. It is His very presence that actually empowers and changes and enables us. It is not some mystical or magic power that comes from nowhere; it is Him! The other big thing about grace is that it is God's free gift. We didn't earn it, we didn't deserve it; it was just a free gift of God. The nearest we can claim to have anything to do with getting His grace, is the fact that we surrendered to Him and said, “Yes please!” when He offered us this new life, this life filled with His grace. We didn't demand it, for we couldn't, for we had no grounds to claim it, merely the fact that He was offering it on the basis of what Jesus achieved on the Cross at Calvary .

These words – The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit – are so simple yet they sum up the heart of what the whole Christian life is about. We received this new life by the grace of God and we continue to live it out by the grace of God. Paul exercised his ministry by the grace of God and he appealed to Philemon to receive Onesimus back by the grace of God.

The reality is that he was enabled to pray for Philemon by the grace of God (v.4,6). Philemon had such a good testimony (v.5,7) by the grace of God. Paul himself appealed on the basis of grace: he could have ordered Philemon (v.8) but instead he appealed on the basis of love (v.9). He appealed on the basis of the grace of God that had worked to bring Onesimus to be his son (v.10), and he appealed so that Philemon could now get the benefit of that grace through Onesimus (v.11). He appealed on the basis that that grace had made Onesimus's heart one with his (v.12) and he surrendered him by grace even though he would have liked to have kept him (v.13), but instead he wanted that grace to work in Philemon's free and spontaneous consent (v.14). He also appealed on the basis of that grace perhaps working sovereignly to bring all this about (v.15) to bring Onesimus back as a brother (v.16). He further appealed on the basis of that grace which had made he and Philemon partners (v.17), so that by grace Philemon could charge any loss to Paul (v.18). Within that grace he reminded Philemon that through that grace Philemon owed Paul his very life (v.19) and Paul wished to receive grace back through Philemon (v.20). Indeed he was sure that this grace in Philemon would do far more than he asked (v.21) and that eventually this grace would enable him to return to Colosse (v.22). It was also this grace that had brought together the apostolic team (v.23,24). Oh yes, grace may only be mentioned twice (v.3 & 25) but this whole letter is about grace, about God's working in and through these men.

In fact if you took grace away, this letter would never have been written. Paul and Philemon would not have been friends, Onesimus would not have come to Christ and Paul would not have been able to have appealed to his friend. In fact all you would have been left with is one bitter slave owner, one fearful runaway slave, and one legalistic Pharisee! It would have been a miserable existence for all three of them. Instead there is a unity, harmony, love and friendship between Paul and Philemon, and between Paul and Onesimus, and Paul is now planning for it to be extended to be between Philemon and Onesimus. Grace means that a master-slave relationship can be transformed into a brother and brother relationship. Grace means that something can happen that will act as a testimony to all who hear about it – slavery transformed into family.

Have you ever realised the incredible potential of this grace that we have been speaking about, working in and through and around you? This grace, this God's power, has the possibility to transform the grey of life to bright colours. It has the potential of changing hopelessness into hope. It can bring life where there is only death. Where there are people who are just slaves to sin living around you, they can be transformed into sons of God. This is what the Gospel is all about – the wonder-working grace of God in you and me, transforming this world. May we know it more and more! May He be honoured and glorified through it more and more! Amen!